Holly posed this question to me this week: 
Have you ever owned a pet who could speak?
Here's my response.  
Brace yourself and believe.

If you don't read Holly, you really oughta.
She'll have you in tears and in stitches. 
She's my BFF in real life.  I am the luckiest.


Once upon a time, I had a cat named Percy.  He was black all over with the greenest eyes, and we were in love.  
This ain't him, but it could be.  It's like his secret twin.
I got him when he was just a kitten and we played and played and laughed and laughed.  

Well, I did all the laughing but I could tell he was really happy, too.

He was just a little ball of furry love, and I loved that cat.

In my dealings with him, I always referred to myself in the third person.  "Oh, you want a lil' snack?  A treat?  Mama will get you one.  Hol' ya lil' horses. Mama's comin'."

One thing he really went bananas over was a can of tuna, but that has nothing to do with the story.

Percy and I lived many moons like this, just the two of us lovebirds.  And then, one day, a new love that would change everything moved in.

I got my first computer.

Anybody who knows me knows the weight of that statement.  I can while away hours at the computer, and I don't even have a computer job.  I just like the things too much.  It's unhealthy.  Back in the day I was alot stupider about internet safety and spent time hanging out in chat rooms.  I wish I could go back to that time and just slap myself real good in the back of the head.  I was so dumb.

I was really dumb.

I would sit for long stretches of time, until my rump went numb.  Then I'd grab a pillow to sit on, which gave me a small reprieve, but the numbness would eventually return, and then I'd realize it was 4 in the morning.  Pas bon is what you call that.  No good.

Meanwhile, sweet Percy (Sledge) is being neglected.  Very often, while I would sit and stare at the big square that had replaced him, he'd jump up on the desk and walk across the keyboard (messing up what I was typing) and block my vision in general, meowing like a crazy person.  I'd shove him aside, pushing him to the floor.  

Don't worry, he always landed on his feet.

It's what cats do.

This went on for too long, and Percy had had enough.  (Who could blame him?)

I pushed him off again, scolding him and he made up his mind that that was the last time he was gonna be ignored (and pushed around).  

He sat on the floor, looked up at me, and said, "Mra Mra".  

I think I should stop at this point and make it very clear, I was sober.  I had been sober for almost 2 years so there was no residual anything going on.  I was not having a flashback.  I was straight as an arrow.  And y'all, I heard that cat say "Mama".  

Of course I was alone in the house, aside from Percy (and I don't have him anymore, so he can't corroborate), so there is no one who can either confirm or deny this story, but I stand by it.  Scouts honor.  

I was never a Scout though, so I don't know if you can still trust me.  (You can.)

I'll tell you this though, when your cat talks, you take it as a sign from God that you need to back away from the computer.  

Which I did, and maybe I even gave him some tuna. 


  1. pahahahaha! This is better than hearing the story in person! YOu are the bestest! But Poor Percy. He knew it, too, poor darlin'. ;)

  2. I can always count on you for a laugh! I pictured this scenario the whole way through...even the "mra mra" part. Muah!

  3. Holly: Are you now willing to believe and admit that my cat spoke??


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