last week (or maybe it was the week before... - doesn't matter, not important) i was running on the treadmill and this song came up on my playlist. something about that moment just felt like full on magic - and this whole thought came like a matrix download all at once right into my belly. as i ran, listening to the story of the lyrics, i felt so energized - my pace quickened and i ran my little heart out on that treadmill, completely buoyed by what God has done in my life. it was one of those moments where i felt i could've run through a wall and kept running forever!
I was born in a thunderstorm*
my parents were teenagers. she loved him, he didn't love her back. he wasn't there the day we arrived. twin girls.
he came back after a while and they were married. he was drug addicted, violent, abusive to her. she fled when we were 2yo, along with my baby brother, then less than 6mo old.
a brave move for a frightened girl. I grew up overnight we lived in poverty, dependent…
sunday morning in church the pastor shared with us two dreams that had been given to two of their intercessors.
in the one dream, a person stood before two fields, one in front of the other. in the first field, there were six alligators, representing big mouths.
gossip criticism complaint grumbling contempt negativity murmuring life-sucking in the field beyond them was a whale spouting water from its belly, representing the DEEP things of God. to get to the deep things of God, we've got to get past our mouths. to get to the deep things of God, i've got to get past my mouth. James says it like this:
those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. james 1:26 worthless. the tongue is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. it corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one's life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. james 3:6
a wildfire. set on fire by hell. not one for mincing …
how i wish i could actually. in a small, dark booth, my face hidden.
it's only thursday and the spotlight has been so turned in on me, my character flaws on full display.
this though, this is easily the most embarrassing thing i have ever written about myself. i feel so laid bare by this one. first my mouthand now this.
you know that time Peter denied Jesus 3x in one night. he's making me feel better about myself because i'm not the only fool Jesus ever loved. it is so hard to tell on myself but it feels just, so. necessary. - if for no other reason than knowing that if i behave similarly in the future, he'll make me do it again! hard pass, y'all. ok so, out with it. what am i blathering about? oh, you know, just my integrity. what we do in the dark. who we are in the quiet of our minds where nobody knows. when we're alone. when no one has to know. this week i have been both a liar and a thief. <><><><>&…