Gift Guide | They Probably Don't Have THIS

We all know those people who are hard to buy for because they already have everything.  Well, I wanted to go ahead and give you guys a Gift Guide for those folks.  Consider it my gift to you.

(I'm here to help.)

ugly pants
There's a real good chance there's not a pair of these Talpa Trousers gracing their closet.  Let's hope not anyway, huh.  What a surprise they'll have Christmas morn! 
elfin boots
These are just downright fun and frolicsome, aren't they?  Actually, they're called Funtasma Frolic.  I have no idea what Funtasma means, except that it includes the word fun, which brings me to the conclusion that that's what they were aiming for.  Unless your name is Jovie, you probably don't already have some of these.  Personally, I can't imagine wanting them, but somewhere out there, somebody will be loving these tonight... or whichever night you decide to give them to that special someone.  

an air blasting gun
For all their sexy photo needs, obviously.  Or for getting the cat off the kitchen counter.  It's versatile.
huggable plush bacon
Everybody loves bacon, amiright?  This bacon even talks!  It says, "I'm bacon!", when you squeeze him.  Personally though, I think they should might wanna add, "You've got a friend in meat!" to the queue.  You could also throw in some Bacon Lip Balm for good measure.  You probably can't go wrong with that stuff.  Probably.
I don't know about you, but it thrills ME!  Who wouldn't love some chain mail vestments?!  I reckon these have been hand forged by Gimli himself in the mines of Moria!  Half or full-sleeve, one for Summer, one for Winter.  There's also the hood, for the real warrior on your list.  He (or she) could wear it for Medieval battle, or just to go out and fight traffic on Tuesday on the way to breakfast.

the expendable tee
Nothing like a gift that says, "you are useless to me" to warm the heart of a friend.  Guess you could just say something along the lines of "Thought this was super appropriate because you mean nothing to me. Just kidding, you really do.  Just kidding, I was telling the truth the first time.  Just kidding, I'm lying again.  Just kidding, you really are a dope.  Just kidding, I love you to death. Just kidding."


  1. Ha ha...I am ROOOLLLING!! That was of your best yet! So clever! It makes me want to make my own list, except I don't wanna copy. So I'll leave it to you...but I can't imagine how much fun you had writing this. I only know what a blast I had reading it!

  2. that's it!

    next time you have a costume party, Handy Daddy will wear his Bon Jovi boots and I'll wear the Elfin boots. It's a done deal.

    Girl, you just make me laugh and laugh. I'm glad you're my friend.

  3. The bacon plush I would definitely cuddle up with. Bacon is pretty awesome in any way, shape, or form.

  4. ha ha!! you are too funny, young lady!

    mithrii???? hee hee

  5. That bacon is officially on my gift list.

    And the mithrail... pretty dang cool. :)

  6. hahahahaha....etc.

    LJ got baconnaise for Christmas and as much as I loathe mayo, it is FANTASTIC. He also got more bacon salt and some bacon chocolate. Mmm....bacon....I should go remind him that he got that chocolate. It's about time to share, I think.


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