How to Boss Your Kids Around and Make Them Feel Like Failures

Once upon a time, your kids are meeting your friends' kids for the first time so you give your kids the so-help-me talk as you pull up to their house. It goes a little something like this:

Okay, now listen, use your manners.
Be polite, be considerate and share.
Don't  be bossy! (Finger pointed very bossily)
Don't leave anyone out! Play nice.   (bossy! bossy! bossy!)
You all have great manners and I know you'll behave well. (trying to bring it back around to the positive)
Have fun, and Oh! DON'T ask for anything to eat.   You may accept if it's offered but don't ask.
(Then you give 'em the stank eye to show that you are so serious.)
Okay, let's go!

Then you step out of the car and walk up to the door smiling and looking like the Rockefeller's.

Each of those statements really just reiterates the one before it though, doesn't it.
Don't embarrass me.
Don't embarrass me.
Don't embarrass me.
Don't embarrass me.
And sweet mother of pearl so help me, DON'T EMBARRASS ME.     

Poor darlins.  So much pressure.  I've totally done this to them.  Most of it before Love & Logic (because I am a natural at being an awesome parent) and I still resist the urge to boss the little punks around, but I'm getting better.  Truly, I am. I do less dumb stuff now. 

...and when I do do dumb stuff, (because I totally do) I rely heavily on the grace of God expressed in this statement:

The sure hand of God is beneath me, just as it is beneath my children.

...and then I breathe again.


  1. BFF from da NORT. SIDE. Wooh. Wooh.November 15, 2010 at 2:45 PM

    I love this! My BFFs are the best bloggers ever. Now I know why I hang 'round y'all. Still aint figured out why the opposite is true, but I'm just glad it is. Aren't you glad I'm glad?

  2. Bossing kids around is part of our job. So, do it like a pro, I say.

  3. okay, wait....we're NOT supposed to boss our kids? then WHO will?

    I got enough to feel guilty about in the parenting department. please don't tell me I'm not supposed to tell my kids what to do.

  4. I just read my comment and was afraid you would think I was being argumentative...

    I'm merely begging you to act like I never read this the next time I see you.

  5. BFF: I am SO glad.

    Mama Belle: Hmm, I'm not sure that it is.

    M to da D: I know it's alot to take in. It is the hardest thing for me to stop. Also, consider my memory erased. :) I love you.

  6. moms have been shaming their children
    since eve. can you imagine what she
    said to cain?

    your children will be fine. they will
    respond to your humble heart.

  7. Oh Lea: Your words calm me. I'm so glad you're my invisible friend. :)

  8. I usually never realize how bossy I'm being until I hear the LG 'talking' to her animals and such. Yikes!

  9. Bren: I know huh? Parenting is such a MIRROR! Mercy. The hardest part is all the modeling. Again I say, Mercy!


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