9.28.2010

How To Smell Like Roadkill and STILL Not Be Satisfied With Your Purchase

6 comments
I have spent many a round quarter in the name of beauty.

Most recently, I'd heard tale of a cream that promised to eliminate unwanted facial hair. 

Really? Unwanted? 
Does that really need clarification? 
Who among the ladyfolk has facial hair 
that is not unwanted...
and is also not raking in cheddar hand over fist
as a circus act?

Anyway, I thought I'd give the magical cream a shot.  So I buy the cream.  I smell the cream.  Hmm, "not bad", I say to the cream.  I apply the cream.  I set the timer for 4 minutes, as directed.  I wait on the cream.

    tick
        tock
            tick
                tock

When the timer beeps, the old joke is indubitably true.  The thing I was smelling, which had gone from "not bad" to "what died", was indeed my upper lip.

Also,  all that stank and it removed exactly zero hairs.


That right there is what is commonly known as A Sad Ending.

the (sad) end (ing)

9.26.2010

The Sunday Six : Nuen

7 comments
nuen : German

one
hautelook Have you seen this yet?  Every time I go I get excited about something I see.  Clothes, purses, makeup, shoes, cool housewares... The discounts are usually deep (like $18 Department Store lip color and eye shadows for $3-$4 -- that's cheaper than WalMart!) and you can buy stuff for yourself, your man, your bébés, your home.  Or your friends who may or may not (or may) be having birthdays soon. And Christmas is (SOMEHOW) right around the corner!

two
This picture : it makes me happy.

three
Questions.  I like it when people ask me questions.  I can answer some tough questions; I'm quite good at it.  You may be surprised.  For example, I know Barbie's last name.  (At least I think I do.)(Yes, I'm certain of it.  I just double-checked.)  So see, I know some stuff.   So, you got anything for me?  I challenge you to bring to me your toughest questions.  Let me to exampilate:
question:
answer: If flarp is an instrument, then mayonnaise gets to be an instrument, too.
So yes, mayonnaise is indeed a musical instrument.

See? Highly qualified.

Highly.  You need not be dubious.

four
Tuesdays.  That's a weird day to love, maybe, but Mondays are so hectic for us, and my weekends are spent preparing for Monday. Sunday, incidentally still feels like Sunday, but Tuesday is now like Saturday to me.  So now I love Tuesdays.

five
I once had a kitty named Ezra that looked almost entirely like this one.  (Oohhhh I wanna hold it!) So small and cute was Ezra that every time we looked at her all we could do was laugh, laugh, and laugh. (because.... How was she even alive?!)

six
Traffic Tetris.  It's a game I play when I'm driving. When all of the lanes have cars lined up and I slip into an empty lane, I feel like a straight bar falling into and clearing out 4 lines of tetrominoes. Boo ya! So satisfying! Level up! (Confession: I just learned the word 'tetrominoes'.  Otherwise, I'd have just called them "square thing... things".)  BOOM! Educated.

Anyway, hope your Sunday is satisfying.  xo Jodie

9.21.2010

Birds & Breathing

3 comments
I have been such an ostrich, head buried in a homeschool heap. So much so that I can scarce think of anything else!


 Interesting aside: 
While looking for an image of an ostrich, 
I found a picture of an albino peacock 
(which someone had tagged 'ostrich').  
Some people just do not know their birds.

About that head buried thing though, I'm afraid I've miles to go before I come up for air... and if miles are measured in the same way as weeks comma which in this case comma they are comma well then, I reckon I have 12 miles to cover before I get a break.  Twelve.  Stretch out ya hands and pray fo' me.

That fact gets me more than a little overwhelmed.

Meanwhile, I just keep washing my mind with these words:

Our Father, who is in heaven... heaven being the air all around me... Breathe in the Lord.

Breathe in the Lord, and breathe out anxiety.
Breathe in the Lord, and breathe out fear.
Breathe in the Lord, and breathe out _____....

inhale, exhale, repeat...

In addition to all the helpful breathing, I also console myself with this: I can, any day of the week, look at two birds and not be confused about which is the ostrich and which is the peacock.

Some things come easily to me that way. I guess some girls have all the luck.

9.19.2010

The Sunday Six : Eight : With Hashtags #nottobeconfusedwitheatingworms

2 comments
I realize I skitzed out and didn't post last week. I just didn't have it in me. I'm sure you're all extremely relieved to see I've returned to you this week with The (Beloved) Sunday Six. I just know you've been waiting with bated breath (not interchangeable with baited breath, incidentally. Totally different thing...).


one
I would like these to wrap around my living room,
like a modern twist on the wallpaper border, circa 1990.
#i'minlovewithletters
(source)
two
I'd love a set of these in every room in my house.
Every room.
#crazyaboutindustrialbasketsandsuch
(source)
three
Ooh-la-la.
#makehastefalltempsandbirthdaymoney
(source)

four
This is called the Blog Writers Dress.
#translation:ithasmynamealloverit
(source)




five
Verily I say unto you, everything about this dress is calling unto me.
#lovefiresa'burningstrong
(source)
six
You may remember that I recently posted about a watch.  Or maybe you don't remember given you're probably not as obsessed as I am with the things that I love.  About that other watch though, my sister, The Shiz, snatched it up for me as a birthday gift, and early-gifted me with it. She's super, and her super-power is being The Shiz. This watch is my 2nd pick, for the days when I get all slicked up.
#whattimeitis
(source)

...and that is all. 
As usual, participate if you want (in the comment section), but I won't bate my breath.

9.12.2010

My resumé for when I get my dream job

5 comments

Now all I have to do is become a unicorn.
I'm assuming here, that in that moment, everything on this list would be magically infused and become me. Otherwise, sadly, I may not make a very good unicorn.

9.06.2010

Never in all my life.

5 comments
Mercy come mercy.  You're not gonna believe the week I've just had.

Monday
School started, which meant that we made our weekly commute (an hour from home), leaving at 7:30 in the morning.  Bennis it was our first time doing this whole Classical Conversations thing and me being the tutor for the 4-7 year olds, there was some mental pressure and chaos and such as.  Ultimately though, the day went beautifully and a good time was had by all.  We pulled back into our "car porch" around 2 o'clock.  
I love saying "car porch". 

Tuesday
Set up school work at the kitchen table and the Sweet Pickle decides this would be a good time to start in with the "I hate school.  School is the s-word." routine.  It was alot of fun.  I asked him to consider taking those ugly words into his room because they were hurting my ears.  He decided to not go that route, leaving me to decide for him.  So I carried him to his room while he reached out his exceedingly long arms and legs to grab at anything he could to slow my roll.  Once in his room, he stayed with little resistance.  I invited him to join us again in the kitchen when his voice was calm.  The rest of the day went off without a hitch. I was feeling pretty smug and victorious because this new parenting stuff I was trying was WORKING!  Probably because I was so good at it. 

Wednesday
Started in much the same way as Tuesday, except this time I was met with mucho resistance-o about staying in the room.  Boy oh boy was that tantrum impressive.  I'd give it a 10.  I stood outside the room holding the door closed while he vacillated between pulling on the other side and kicking/pounding/beating on it with toys.  This, I do not recommend.  I held on as tight as I could with sweaty palms, silently giggling on the other side.  I was in shock.  Finally, I open the door, (mostly 'cause it was slipping out of my wet hands), hands on my hips, still giggling, looked into his angry little face and said, "You know... I've never been the Mom of a 7 year old before, and I'm not quite sure how to react to this right now.  So I'm gonna need some time to think it over.  I'll get back to you. Try not to worry about it." Meanwhile, I'm calling in backup because my idea bank in my brain is giving me nothing.  So much for being good at this.  I couldn't reach my friend so in my Desperation Which Was Nothing Less Than Desperation, I called The Professionals.  The lady I spoke with was wonderful and gave me some great tips and we made it through the day.  Hah-lay-lou-juh.

Thursday
I take a vacation.  (translation: I go to WalMart all by myself.)  While there, I receive a call from my husband telling me that the kids were playing Tug-of-War with baby brother in the middle.  Sugar had a leg, Pickle had an arm and Puddin' had a problem.

Friday
Arrive at ER at 8am and learn that Puddin's problem has a name.  It's name is Nursemaid's Elbow.  In short, it's dislocated.  The doc comes in, pops it back into place, and Puddin' is his happy and very active little self in no time flat. 


Still Friday
All of the kids were playing outside and the two big kids came in, leaving the little one outside by himself for a little while.  Big mistake.  Big.  Mistake.  I walk out moments later to find that he has turned the hose on full blast and stuck it into his brother's lizard aquarium and it is filled to the brim with water.  Poor little lizard is paddling like crazy at the top of the water near the rim so I scoop him out to safety, and Sweet Pickle says to me, still in tears, "Mama at first I was crying because I thought he was dead and then I started crying because I was happy he was alive." Sweet boy.

Still Still Friday
We have an errand to run and I call the little one over to put on a diaper.  His "new thing" is that as soon as he's outside, he takes off everything except his t-shirt.  He goes around calling himself "Naked Boy", like he's some sort of super hero.  When I get him on his back and flip him up to get a diaper on I see that his bottom is dirty.  Uh oh.  I didn't change a dirty diaper.  He took it off outside.  Where is it?  "When did you poop?  Where is your diaper?  Where did you put it?" I say in one breath.  "I poop in grass", he says.  "Show me".  Sure enough, he walks me out to the spot in the backyard and there it is.  I sigh, load the kids in the van and leave to run our errand.

sidenote:
The next day, the dog ate it.
Vile? Yes.
Revolting? I know.
It pains me to even tell you that, 
but I didn't want you wondering all day
what ever came of that and did I 
leave it there forever.
No, I did not.
And yes, the dog is dead to me.

[...and that ain't all that happened on Friday either.  I'm leaving out Friday night, which is a story all itself.  Maybe I'll tell it to you someday.]

So if you're keeping score, that's:
school
tantrum
behemoth tantrum
dislocated elbow
relocated elbow
lizard killer
yard poop
Incontheivable!

When it comes to parenting, so much of the details of our futures
with our children is left out. 
Information is knowingly withheld from us, because 
who could handle it?
It's as if God is saying to us, 
I'd tell you the truth, but it'd feel like a donkey kick.
Telling you would be like being kicked twice.

Mercy is His name.

Lord only knows what this week holds for me but if it's anything like last week, I'm gonna need a nerve pill.

9.05.2010

The Sunday Six : syv : Edition Fanciful Furbishing

2 comments
syv  : Danish : seven

fanciful [fan-si-fuh'l]
1. characterized by or showing fancy
2. imaginary; unreal

This list is both.



I got this catalog in the mail this week and immediately went weak in the knee area.
So many things to love, I could devote an entire Sunday Six to it... and so I have.
Lucky you.

one
Look!  Shelves with LADDERS!!  Oh Mercedes.  [mer-cuh-dees] I love these.   I need two please,  to "faux flank" my sofa, which is a term I just made up to mean I want them positioned against the imaginary wall with a big space between them,  with my imaginary sofa out in front of them, not between them in a "traditional flank".
I'd put all my favorite books on the top shelves just so I could shimmy up the ladders mo' often.
(source)
two
I really like tufted sofas.
Duck cloth in Fog, please.
The love fires are burnin' down the house.
(source)
three
Armoires.
I love them.  They love me.
Our love for each other runneth deep.
This one is double good.  It bears two of my favorite elements:
1. being an armoire.
+ 2. shutters.
-------------------------------
theloveihaveforyouissynonymouswithridiculous
(source)
four
Hourglasses!  Who doesn't love hourglasses?!
Not me.  I don't doesn't.  I definitely does.
Especially these, because their aesthetics are beautifuls!!
These are large, ya heard?  If these were mine, I'd put them on a slender table behind my sofa.
Are you picturing my stupid-awesome room yet?
It is stupid awesome.
(source)
five
I like to sit on the couch and read after the kids have gone to bed. Problem is, I don't have a lamp nearby for lighting so I usually have to turn on "the big light".  
This one would be just right to ma' fake liberry, where I would like to be doing all of my after-hours reading.
(source)
 six
I love a good Entry.  Mostly (maybe?) because I don't have one.  
One door leads right into our living room; 
the other, into the quite ill-favored laundry room.
But this... I love everything about this.
Solid wood (beautiful finish), SPACE for everybody's everything, and maybe my favorite element of all: an industrial + farmhouse feel. 
Lurve.
(source)
If you'd like to play along you are under no obligation to follow a theme.
'Course you can if you want, but Imaginary Decorating is not an Assignment.
Just make a list of whatever is stoking your love furnace this week!



Also!  You don't have to link up.  You could just leave me a few of your favorite things in the comment section.  I'd like to know what's stolen your heart this week.


Happy Sunday, you beautiful people!
Thanks for coming visit!