paint, chaos, and Bob Ross

ya'll.  years ago i went through a huge rachel ashwell phase.  HUGE. i mean, i wanted everything in my house to be white.  white walls, white trim, i wanted every piece of furniture to be painted white, white slip-covered duck cloth sofas, white painted floors even, and white candles! lots and lots of white candles!  i was drunk on The White.

and then i became sort of bored with that idea before it ever materialized, so maybe i have to revoke my "HUGE" assessment, seeing as i never actually put it into practice and how can one be a real fanatic but only in her mind?

anyway, i think it was the birthing of a couple kids, what deterred me.  not only that, i never really could sell danny on it, and  it was never in the budget to get rid of EVERYTHING we owned and start over.  which is what i tend to want to do when i get a wild hair.

as it stands, every room in our house is "colored" and i have really enjoyed that, but i'm beginning to feel a bit 'over it'. i'm not kidding when i say it makes my breathing tight and shallow.

we painted the living room when i was last pregnant and it's this bold, yellow color that has been so much fun!
valspar | midnight bonfire
i've been looking at it now though for almost six years and my trigger finger is itchy.  itchy, i say! enough already! all of a sudden it feels too dark. i'm feeling a little bit suffocated by it, and lo! what color would i want but white.  life always circles back on itself, don't it.  

i think the appeal right now is simplicity

white feels...
the opposite of chaotic.  

i need to create an environment in my color scheme that is not chaotic, to combat the internal chaos i'm feeling, of course (and also the impending external chaos that is to come).  (how many times can i say chaos but i think you get the point.)

in my mind i have become a little bit frank costanza:  SERENITY NOW!

so here's what i'm thinking, somewhat...

the bright accent colors make me happy. so do the bright white walls.
another with dark trim + floors, because that's what i'm working with...
this one's a bit more creamy, but still very peaceful.  (SERENITY NOW!)
white feels so open, doesn't it? so spacious, and i am feeling the need for SPACE.  even just the illusion of space is fine by me! add in a little color in other places, i.e.: new curtains, a rug on the floor, new throw pillows for the couch... and i'll breathe easier than julie andrews, twirling in a Bob Ross painting.

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tired + bossy. it's like i'm a teenager all over again.

sweet mother of pearl, i think i had forgotten the suffering of the first trimester. i keep trying to do stuff (bathe, brush my teeth, empty the sink, feed someone) and then ending up back on the couch or sleeping in my bed, lambasted.  i can barely make it to mid-day without sleeping at some point, and THAT after staying in bed 'til 9, so.

d calls throughout the day to check in on us and even the shortest of conversations is exhausting to me. the simple act of vocalizing, insufferable.  i am delightful.

we should've told everyone sooner about the pregnancy, like maybe the day we found out about it. yeah, that's the day we should've gone public because then when i say that i'm happy about it people might actually believe me.

right now i get a quizzical look.  'oh, wow... congratulations.  are y'all excited? i mean, how do y'all feel about it?'  i know their confusion is because of my face.

well, it's not exactly incontrovertible.  my face, that is.

i will say this though (and i hope it lasts): i haven't had any real strong food aversions.  i remember being pregnant with noah and not being able to handle chicken on the bone.  disgust.  i cooked it once and let it stay too long in the crockpot. by dinnertime the crockpot was filled with shredded chicken and bones.  consequently, i couldn't eat chicken til long after he was born.  i could barely say chicken without my stomach rising to greet me.

the food cravings, though, they are pretty bossy.  give me a burger and fries right now. and a coke! move it or lose it, sister!  very bossy. and not very health-conscious, either.

the love will return, i know it will, but if it follows the course it always has, it'll arrive magically at the beginning of the second trimester.  oh dear sweet baby moses, please don't follow that course.  come quickly, magic! show me the meaning of haste!  and bring me a coke!


the sunday six: edition 47 | i should really be dusting.

so i'm pregnant, and i have a head cold.  it's a very particular brand of "not feeling so hot".  i have logged more hours on the couch in the past week than i care to admit.

..sitting on the couch staring into space or crawling back into bed and napping.  lots of hours.

the kids, bless their hearts (and hungry bellies), ask how long i'll be sick.  i say, with as much enthusiasm as i can muster, with them i was sick for 3 months but hope it doesn't last that long this time.  they're understandably horrified at 2 more months of this madness (as am i) but mostly i think they're worried about getting to eat something besides sandwiches and cereal they made for themselves.  

my little one asked me today if he could have marshmallows and bread for lunch.  he wanted a marshmallow sandwich.  he was not happy when i said no.

i'm hoping most of the misery is the cold though because that won't last as long.  maybe it's just wishful thinking though.  sometimes you have to lie to yourself to get through the day intact. 

graham cooke
i know i talked about him in April and now i'm talking about him again... i just can't get enough. 

 i am learning the affection of God. who could ever tire of that?

his teaching is changing my whole approach to walking with God. i want to have it running all day and night long.  i want it to wash over me until i am changed.  it is so, so good.

it will feed and nourish you and change the way you see things. it's brilliant.

"whatever God is, He is relentlessly." 

february 4th

that's the day i finally took my Christmas tree down.
i PR'd.

(for those of you who may not know what that is, it means "personal record" and in the running world, it's sometimes used as a verb.  when you beat your personal record, you say you "PR'd".)

speaking of running, i haven't done any of that since early November, so, i needed a PR somewhere else.  you know, if you believe in yourself and you try real hard, you can be just as ambitious as i am.

i got such a sweet email this past week, from a complete stranger, no less.  someone named "anonymous".  weird.

here's what was said:

you are truly a just right webmaster. 
("just right", did you hear that?  and they said "truly" so it has to be true.) 

The website loading speed is amazing. 
(oh good! i was concerned about that. just the other day i was thinking, "man, i sure hope my website loading speed is amazing".) 

It seems that you are doing any unique trick.
("any unique trick"! wow! i am a prodigy!)

 ("Moreover"... oh there's more?! i'm dumbstruck!)

The contents are masterpiece. 
  ("are masterpiece".  singular.  apparently, i'm very good at my craft.)

i hope you guys get really good feedback like this, too.  affirmation is important.

four. that's how many children we'll have by the end of this year.  i knew 2013 was going to be a big one, but this? 

in my short energy bursts, i have a strong urge to go through every room with a very large trash bag throwing stuff away all willy-nilly, and also to (commandeer my husband to) repaint the walls (white!)  

i haven't executed any of that, but in my head, there is a whole lot getting done.

i need less stuff in order to make room for more people!  

also, i should probably just get a new house.

it should be stated (in case it's not clear) that we are all thrilled.  a new baby!  there is just nothing so precious and so yummy-delicious-smelling!

so while i do feel a bit like that bird at times (when i think too far into the future), i also feel peace. i feel God.  i feel this sweetness, and look forward to bathing this sweet beauty...  after this video, who wouldn't...

also, i'm gonna need a bigger sink.

while we're on the subject of babies.... this is my new favorite homemade gift for newborns. if you are in my vicinity and you have a baby, you are getting some of these burp cloths.  

the only difference is i use flannel because i loathe sewing with knits.  i am terrible at it. 

the worst.  

but flannel... i mean, is it the fabric of the angels or what?  it's so easy to work with and so soft for those sweet baby cheeks.  it's made out of angels. it has to be.

maybe my favorite thing about making these is that they're made using fat quarters so i never get tired of the print.  i make 2 cloths of each print and then move onto the next one.  boom, never bored.  for the win.

valentine's day is coming up.  danny asked me yesterday what i wanted and at first i was all NOTHING. I HATE FLOWERS AND CRAP.  and then today i texted him, 'hey, remember that thing i once said about not wanting anything for valentine's day? i lied. i want a haircut.'

people dream of this kind of romance.  

it took us ten years to cook it up too, so if you're newly married, don't think you'll get here overnight. be patient.  it takes time.  try to rush it and you'll only be disappointed.


it took me forever to get through those six things.  i breezed through the first five alright, and then gridlock.  you'd think after so many MONTHS of not saying anything i'd be flowing like some sort of free-flowing geyser or something.  (my metaphors are very strong. i know.)

how did i ever come up with six things every week?  

maybe my skills at doing "any unique trick" are waning.  or maybe it's just nap time again.


y'all have a good day, pretty things.

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