i recently started a centering prayer practice. we learned of a nearby group that meets weekly and two very dear friends and i started going earlier this year. this practice is giving me LIFE right now. each week it looks a little different than the last - and every time i go i leave with something i needed right now and for the journey ahead. it's been so sweet, and not always easy but so very beautiful.
today's weather has been what i like to call a bluebird day: cloudless, blue skies. drop dead gorgeous! outside of the home where we meet for prayer there is this big ol' labyrinth painted on a round cement slab. it's so cool! it looks just like this: (and now i need one)
"the labyrinth turns the simple act of walking
the weather being what it is, we walked the labyrinth this morning, in silence, focusing on what we wanted to release on the way in, and then setting our intention for what we wanted to take with us on the way out. there were cards scattered face-down along the paths for us to turn over and to look at if we felt prompted.
if you know me, you know that in stress, i first respond by pulling back, and then by checking what i'm thinking or feeling with people i trust because i often don't trust myself. if you are in relationship with me, you know i will ask what you think is an appropriate response to my anxiety.
can i trust myself to make the right call without feeling the need to have all of the answers? not having "all the answers" has paralyzed me in the past. can i make the right call with only partial information? with only the light i have for the step that i'm on? it feels painfully risky sometimes. debilitating, even.
it's not so much the decision that's the problem. it's not the thing but the consequence of the thing.
we all make decisions all the time. small ones and big ones. i haven't truly trusted myself to make any. what if things go badly (they have) and people get hurt? (they have) does that mean i did the wrong thing? what if i do make the wrong choice? (like in the Labyrinth movie - she chose down? don't go THAT way!)
(i do eventually become more sure of myself and from that place make decisions and take action and there is much less second-guessing about my choices.)
so this card felt more than a little significant. as i slowly winded around the path i read the words over and over and over.
the world slowed, my heart raced a little less, my shoulders felt softer, my breathing deepened.
i reached a point on the path where a table had been set up. on that table sits a statue of Jesus and when i got to it, i paused and took a moment to just take another deep breath. i left the card on the table and walked on.
and questions
and playfulness
and joy.
today's weather has been what i like to call a bluebird day: cloudless, blue skies. drop dead gorgeous! outside of the home where we meet for prayer there is this big ol' labyrinth painted on a round cement slab. it's so cool! it looks just like this: (and now i need one)
into a sacred experience."
Walking A Sacred Path, L. Artress
the weather being what it is, we walked the labyrinth this morning, in silence, focusing on what we wanted to release on the way in, and then setting our intention for what we wanted to take with us on the way out. there were cards scattered face-down along the paths for us to turn over and to look at if we felt prompted.
i think we can all identify with how life twists and turns on itself and in the midst of the walking out our own paths, the Way can feel cramped and dizzying, but as it turns out, we seem to get where we need to go in the end, and each plot twist and tight turn was always just guiding us back to the Divine.
in others.
in ourselves.
in nature.
the Person Himself.
in others.
in ourselves.
in nature.
the Person Himself.
the first card i felt prompted to pick up was doubt.
i picked it up because doubt has been my constant companion. i don't remember a time when it wasn't with me.
growing up, the world felt unsafe. somewhere along the way i decided that if i could just hitch my wagon to all of the right beliefs about people and things and the world then that would be a way to make my world feel more safe and secure and controlled and it would help me to avoid so much of the pain of poor decisions, bad calls, and betrayal that almost destroyed me. knowing the right stuff would safeguard me and the people i love. knowledge felt like a superpower.
i picked it up because doubt has been my constant companion. i don't remember a time when it wasn't with me.
growing up, the world felt unsafe. somewhere along the way i decided that if i could just hitch my wagon to all of the right beliefs about people and things and the world then that would be a way to make my world feel more safe and secure and controlled and it would help me to avoid so much of the pain of poor decisions, bad calls, and betrayal that almost destroyed me. knowing the right stuff would safeguard me and the people i love. knowledge felt like a superpower.
 |
what should i do? where should i go? should i do this/that? what do you think?
what do you think?
what do you think?....
what do you think?
what do you think?....
can i trust myself to make the right call without feeling the need to have all of the answers? not having "all the answers" has paralyzed me in the past. can i make the right call with only partial information? with only the light i have for the step that i'm on? it feels painfully risky sometimes. debilitating, even.
it's not so much the decision that's the problem. it's not the thing but the consequence of the thing.
we all make decisions all the time. small ones and big ones. i haven't truly trusted myself to make any. what if things go badly (they have) and people get hurt? (they have) does that mean i did the wrong thing? what if i do make the wrong choice? (like in the Labyrinth movie - she chose down? don't go THAT way!)
(i do eventually become more sure of myself and from that place make decisions and take action and there is much less second-guessing about my choices.)
so this card felt more than a little significant. as i slowly winded around the path i read the words over and over and over.
i release the need to know all the answers.
i release the need to know all the answers.
i release the need
to know
all the answers.
i release the need to know all the answers.
i release...
i release the need
to know
all the answers.
i release the need to know all the answers.
i release...
i release...
the world slowed, my heart raced a little less, my shoulders felt softer, my breathing deepened.
i reached a point on the path where a table had been set up. on that table sits a statue of Jesus and when i got to it, i paused and took a moment to just take another deep breath. i left the card on the table and walked on.
i kept repeating the words silently to myself.
i
release
the
need
to
know
all
the
answers.
a few twists and turns later i came across another card that i felt prompted to pick up.
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happiness.
a word i was taught to be suspicious of but i'm learning to trust more and more as a Guiding Light for my life so finding it there today was such a smile from Heaven for me. i am aware that being happy means that i am on the right path.
not that long ago i would've rolled my eyes so hard and judged the life right out of those words. and i would've MISSED it.
i read from a dear girl i follow online - trust what lights you up!
i often remind myself that my heart is good. my body is good. my God is good. i can trust them all. i will make mistakes, which are really just opportunities for growth, but i will not be led astray.
i trust that in his infinite wisdom God gave us the emotion of happiness to guide us. i can follow my bliss.
i've had to learn, and am still learning, to give myself permission. i don't need it from you. i mean that in the softest way.
i haven't always had the courage to follow happiness and bliss but i do more and more these days and i can do it without knowing all the answers. (who can know them all anyway)
i can make room for both: the doubt and the happiness.
i can live into the mystery of life,
with reverence
and questions
and playfulness
and joy.
i can let there be room for it all.
the glory of God is man fully alive.
ireaneus
ireaneus
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